#154 Practical Listening Techniques
Two practical ways and three destructive elements
The two practical ways to listen that stick out to me are asking for more information and showing genuine interest and love. While the destructive elements that stuck out to me were judgement, emotional detachment, and counselor dominance.
How might you employ effective listening techniques in your counseling and everyday engagements?
I have noticed that while working I get in the zone and stop listening to people. The result of this is that I may seem cold and uncaring at times when I would much rather communicate God’s love. We must remember that “Listening is one of the most loving gifts you can give to another person, whether it be counselee, friend or family member” (Wright, 2011, p. 34). With that in mind there are many techniques that could be used to better listen. Asking for more information can for example can serve multiple purposes. If someone starts to talk to me while I am distracted I may ask questions in order to delay my response giving me time to repose myself. While the reminder to show genuine love and interest reminds me to think of the other person first rather than the goal that I have in my mind.
How might you avoid the destructive elements chosen, and which one are you more prone to use?
I am still fairly new to pastoral counseling and have observed myself making all of the destructive elements. Although others have not generally noticed the error. As a counselor judgement is easy to fall into especially when counseling couples as one person may seem more right than the other. While emotional detachment can cause the counselee to stop sharing and change the nature of the relationship. But I am most prone to counselor dominance. At times the way forward seems abundantly clear to me but not so to others. In these cases we need to find God’s solutions not my solutions.
To what degree have you experienced practical listening methods and destructive elements in your context?
I have observed good and bad leadership. The two lead pastors at my church are excellent communicators. When someone comes to them with a complaint or issue they take the time to listen and show love in every way that they can while also asking questions. But what really sticks out to me about the way they communicate is that they always find something about the way the person coming to them is handling the situation to praise. On the other hand I have had leaders who were “prone to act as if he or she were all-knowing and infallible.” The result was a level of distrust between the leaders and team members (Wright, 2011, p. 55).
Wright, H. N. (2011). The complete guide to crisis & trauma counseling: What to do and say when it matters most! Regal.
